Sunday, June 24, 2012

Visit to Blenheim Palace, Woodstock * How to Know Your Authentic Self So that You Can Be an Authentic Leader

"While there is tea, there is hope."  Sir Arthur Pimero  (In his play, 'Sweet Lavender' the character Horace, utters the famous line.

Yesterday, I took the bus out to Blenheim Palace in Woodstock, just a few miles out of Oxford.  It was designated a World Heritage site in 1987.  It was built for the 1st Duke of Marlborough in the early 1700s.  A grateful Queen Anne rewarded John Churchill, the 1st Duke of Marlborough with a house to be called 'Blenheim' after his famous victory in battle there.  It is also the birthplace of Sir Winston Churchill.  The house is surrounded by 2000 acres of beautiful parkland landscaped by 'Capability' Brown in the 1760s.

I was particularly interested because my friend, Sue Marie Brown and I had visited the Newport Mansions in Newport, R. I. in the last few years.  One of the houses we visited was called The Marble House.  It was built as a 'summer house' for William K. and Alva Vanderbilt.  He gave Alva the house for her 39th Birthday!  William K. Vanderbilt is a grandson of Cornelius Vanderbilt (the Commodore), who partially funded Vanderbilt University, thus the name.  The Marble House was built between 1882 and 1892 as an opulent stone palace.  Their only daughter was Consuelo Vanderbilt.  Her mother, Alva, basically forced Consuelo to marry the 9th Duke of Marlborough because she wanted her daughter to hold a title.  She would become Duchess of Marlborough.  She was only 18 when they married in New York City in 1895.  After the wedding, in the carriage, leaving the church, the Marlborough told Consuelo that he loved another woman and would never return to America.  The reason that the 9th Duke of Marlborough married her was because he inherited Blenheim Palace in 1892.  Blenheim was bankrupt and in bad condition.  Because of his title, he was not allowed to work, so he was forced to find a quick solution.  He had to marry money.  So he agreed to marry Consuelo, an American railroad heiress for $2,500,000!  This money went to remodel, restore, and replenish Blenheim Palace in the late 1800s.  This Duke is credited with saving the palace.  They had a loveless marriage, but produced two sons.  Consuelo left Charles, the 9th Duke in 1906 and divorced him in 1920.

Now, where does Sir Winston Churchill come into play?  Winston Churchill was born into the aristocratic family of the Dukes of Marlborough.  His father, Lord Randolph Churchill was son of John Spencer Churchill, 7th Duke of Marlborough.  His mother was Jenny Jerome, an American socialite, daughter of millionaire, Leonard Jerome.  So, in review, the 7th Duke of Marlborough was Winston Churchill's grandfather.  The 8th Duke was Winston's uncle and the 9th Duke, Charles, was his 1st cousin.

Winston Churchill was the British statesman known for his leadership of the United Kingdom during World War II.  He was a great war-time leader.  In 1940 he became Britain's Prime Minister and Minister of Defense.  He was in this office till 1945.  He remained a member of Parliament until 1964.  He died in 1965 at 90.  He was a great writer, historian and orator with volumes of history books that he wrote as well as volumes of his recorded speeches.



HOW TO KNOW YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF SO THAT YOU WILL BE AN AUTHENTIC LEADER:  Information is taken from Bill George's book "True North."

There are 5 major areas of personal development that must be strong to be an authentic leader:
1.  SELF AWARENESS:  What is my story?  What are my strengths and weaknesses?
2.  VALUES:  What are my most deeply held values?
3.  MOTIVATIONS:  What motivates me?
4.  SUPPORT TEAM:  Who are the people I can count on to guide and support me along the way?
5.  INTEGRATED LIFE:  How can I integrate all aspects of my life and find fulfillment.

* Knowing your authentic self is a journey of self-discovery and honest self appraisal.  It takes time, self-exploration, deep introspection, feedback and support.

* We cannot be true leaders without gaining this self-awareness.

*  When you know yourself, you can find the passion that motivates you.

*  You can overcome almost any obstacle, unless you are the obstacle!

*  To protect yourself from harm and pain, you may develop a false self by building protective layers and in so doing, become less authentic.  You shut people out of your life.  You don't want them to get to know you because you don't know yourself.

*  Leaders with exceptionally high IQ get too intellectually involved and have trouble being tolerant of others.  It can be an impediment to leadership.

*  Leadership skill, interpersonal skill and teamwork is more important than extra points of IQ.

*  True leaders know how to implement wisdom, humility and personal engagement with people.

*  Why is self awareness so important?  1.  The better you know yourself, the more likely you are to choose the right role for yourself  2.  You become comfortable in your own skin--real self-confidence.
3.  It teaches you how to be consistent  4.  You become more open and transparent which includes sharing your vulnerabilities.  5.  You can fill your "skill gaps" with colleagues that complement both your strengths and weaknesses.

*  If you are not a self-aware person, you will have a greater chance of getting caught up in chasing external symbols of success rather than becoming the person you want to be.

*  If you feel threatened or rejected, it is hard to regulate your emotions, control your fears and avoid impulsive outbursts.

*  We must be aware of our vulnerabilities, fears, and longings, so that we can empathize with others who are experiencing similar feelings.

*  Take time for continual self-exploration.

*  Do you know someone who has painful childhood memories and as a result, they have shut themselves off from their feelings?  So what they do is that they drive extremely hard to achieve success in the tangible ways that are recognized in the external world--money, fame, power, status.  Their drive enables them to be successful for a while, but their lack of self-awareness can lead to major mistakes and errors in judgment.

*  One of the most difficult things in becoming self aware is seeing ourselves as others see us.  We need accurate feedback to identify our blind spots.

*  The more stress you are under, the more you revert to your old patterns.

*  We should adopt the power of storytelling.  In these stories, we can reveal our life, fears, ambitions, and failures.  These stories inspire others.

*  Denial is the biggest challenge we face.  The only way to overcome it is to be honest with ourself and not make up excuses.

*  We all want to be stroked, admired, and complimented, but we have to be willing to listen to feedback we don't want to hear.  That requires a strong sense of yourself.

*   When we can see our mistakes and take accountability for them and are open to new ways of doing things, the change  you can accomplish is almost unlimited.

*  Perfection is not the goal of authentic leadership, but rather to be true to who you are.

*  How do you peel back the layers of the onion of self discovery?

*  The outer layers of the onion are the visible ways your present yourself to the world--how you look, your facial expressions, your body language, your attire and the way you express yourself.

*  Understanding these outer layers provide the access to our inner core.

*  What is the next layer made up of?  Our strengths, weaknesses, needs and desires.

*  What is the next layer made up of?  Our values and motivations

*  What lies around the core layer?  Our vulnerabilities and blind spots.

*  What is at the core of your being?  What you believe and what you believe your purpose is on this earth.

*  Few of us see the world as it sees us.

*  Feedback helps you take the blinders off, face reality and see yourself as you really are.

*  We can be on a "fast track" but it may not be "our" track.

*  The ability to face reality and acknowledge that you can fail and still feel good about yourself is an important turning point in your self awareness.

*  Will others accept us if we show our vulnerability?  Will they think less of us?

*  Self awareness is only half of the challenge.  You still have to accept yourself.

*  Do you love yourself unconditionally just as God loves us?  We must have self-compassion.  We have to accept the things that we like least about ourselves.  We have to learn to love our weaknesses as much as we love our strengths.

*  Our anger and emotional outbursts usually result when someone penetrates to the core of what we do not like about ourselves or still cannot accept.

*  Free of having to pretend to be someone we are not, we can focus on pursuing our passions and fulfilling our dreams.

Sorry this was so long, but it is good stuff!



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